Lil Z-Bear turns 6 months old in just 5 days. Wow! Half a year…how is that even possible, he was just a couple of days old like a second ago. With this milestone comes another one: I will stop breastfeeding in 3 weeks. Rather, I should say I will stop pumping, because it’s been over a month since I nursed Lil Z. Once I went back to work which meant spending a good part of the day away from Z-Bear, it got harder and harder to get him to latch on. He has been drinking expressed breastmilk since then. And now, he will be exclusively formula fed. I feel comfortable with the formula we feed him (check out this earlier post), and he is doing great with eating solids. But I can’t stop feeling guilty about depriving him of my milk. I wish I could continue the breastmilk, but two reasons why I am choosing to stop: I am spending so much time attached to the pump, and my supply has gone down so only 2 of his bottles are mama’s milk. The rest is formula.
This post isn’t about making me feel less guilty about stopping the breastmilk. I have read so much stuff that tells you not to feel guilty about giving your baby formula, because those babies do just fine and blah blah blah. Deep inside as a mom, I know I should continue with breastmilk. And I am ok with feeling guilty about stopping, it’s an informed decision I have made. This post is simply mourning the impending loss of my body’s ability to provide nourishment for my baby. And it’s to tell myself to enjoy these last 3 weeks where I can watch Lil Z guzzle food I produced for him.